absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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