How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
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