I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
