For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
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