and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize