watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
