if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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