Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
