Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
