some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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