he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
