No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
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