Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Couch. On fire.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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