That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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