guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
