Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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