i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Randomize
