take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
