His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
