I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
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