just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Randomize
