Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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