i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize