Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
