Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
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