pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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