I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize