Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
