His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
