Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
