he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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