Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
