First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize