and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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