Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
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