She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
