I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
