I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
not ubering you a puppy
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Randomize
