you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
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