New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
