is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
