yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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