Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I want you more than these girls want KFC
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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