he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Randomize
