Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
