You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
