so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Randomize
