I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I am spending my child support on dildos
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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