I'm pants shitting drunk right now
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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