if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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