barbara walters just said penis...
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
