oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
