Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
