We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
