I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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