you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
