She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
