i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
sarcasm needs its own font
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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