he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Randomize
