I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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