Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I need to calm my uterus...
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Randomize
