First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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