You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
