here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
