Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
