He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
