I'd wear matching sweaters with you
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
