i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
