Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
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