I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Randomize
