Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize