So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
