Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
this is an emotional support booty call
I'm like, not good at living.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
