You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
he fucked my hip out of place.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
